Satire Alert. - Well, this certainly qualifies for the oddities category.
It comes from the deep dark recesses of the Internet from an unknown source, perhaps unknown even to me.
It's an insider's memo on John F. Kerry's hope and possible plan for making terrorism just a little old nuisance.
I've transcribed the memo for you and used my flat bed scanner to scan in the original Internet Memo for your viewing.
I wish to give a special thanks for Pepe's tireless help.
Transcribed Nuisance Doctrine Memo:
Internet MEMO Democrat Kerry Campaign.
For release to Parti Socialiste members.Officially Unofficial Kerry/Edwards Plan
for Nuisance Terrorism Regulation
.Unofficially Official.Our grand candidate's aforementioned hinted at plan on terrorism - brought to light by his opponent in the National televised debate which JFK clearly won because of his service in Vietnam - is as follows and is not for consumption of the milling masses:
The Government Regulation of Terrorism (AKA - The Nuisance Doctrine):
Upon entrance into the office of President John F Kerry will assemble a task force made up of our foreign allies to be headed by Kojo Annan, Kofi Annan’s “Oil for Food” son. The task force, code name Terrorism Zoning Board, will be in charge of selecting areas of America which will be regulated Terrorist zones (T-zones).
Through the use of these T-zones the fear of terrorist attack will be reduced to a “nuisance” in much the same way that prostitution and gambling have been limited in communities across the nation.
How these T-zones will be assigned is for the Board to determine. One idea is for the Federal Government to proclaim Imminent Domain over an area not unlike was done for natural reserves. These areas would then be designated T-zones for terrorists to attack.
Another suggestion, believed to have originated with Mrs. Kerry, is to designate buildings in a lottery fashion. The winner of the lottery would then become a T-zone for a period of 24-hours during which it would be fair game for terrorist attack.
Of course, any plan would require an agency to regulate the T-zones and administer Terrorist Licenses to applicants wishing to partake in activities in these zones. There is some argument among a number of us as to whether those activities themselves should be limited, ie weapons used, but over time it is certain to be hammered out through the incites of the Terrorism Zoning Board.
Other recommendations for the board include but are not officially suggested or limited to Chairman Yasser Arafat (having recently endorsed Kerry for President), Saddam Hussein (having recently been deposed in the Wrong War in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time - although we are pleased to report he is recovering well from his surgery), Michael Moore (recently snubbed by IN DEMAND), and Natalie Maines (now a target of Pro-War types and because the board will need a pretty face).
Through this Nuisance Doctrine, both Kerry and Edwards are certain that the world will be made a safer place.
Will there be injuries? Like the STD's spread through prostitution there certainly will be irritant injuries. However, we are assured by Edwards that once Kerry is elected miraculous healings will take place for all those injured in T-zones and hopefully those suffering from STD's and the gambling bug. Who knows, people may rise from the grave too.
Keep the faith,
[blacked out]
